Staying West

Victory Lap

2008-07-14T17:44:00.003-05:00

So, the candidate this blog tacitly approved of became the presumptive Democrat nominee.

And the reason why, I think, has more to do with one factor than any other.

No, not race (or...actually...a seeming lack thereof), or sunny optimism. Not sweeping oratorical skills, either. And, no, not even liberal politics in the middle of a Democratic revival.

I think Obama's ascension has the most to do with his age.

Now, I'm not discounting all the other things, because those clearly helped immeasurably...but the real challenge is explaining how "lack of experience" didn't knock him out of contention in Round One. But consider -- what's the one thing that could simultaneously explain away "lack of experience" and (in the right light) be an asset?

By way of explanation, I've been a little generation focused these last few weeks thanks to this book (thanks KK!). Granted, the author is making a case for Generation X relevancy, while hating on the Boomers (like my Ma and Pa -- for being lasped hippies who've sold everyone out for a coupla dollars more while shameless peddling thier sixties mantras like they still mean something) and the Millennials (like myself {and, if you're reading this, probably you} -- who the author claims are too wrapped up in the superconnected, monoculture, narcissistic consumerist world our Boomer parents left us to care a lick about anything bigger than ourselves). Needless to say, he namechecks Obama as an uber X-er.

Now, I'm not going to necessarily go down the whole road with him, because I (for one) haven't written off everyone born between the mid-seventies and mid-nineties as ineffectual quite yet. But I do whole heartedly agree that Boomers have lost almost all moral authority. Consider most of our government has been ruled by these Boomers for at least a decade and a half. And all of them are feeling either slightly guilty or slightly ashamed. Consider our last two presidents -- Bill essentially ran his campaign as a modern hippie, yet once in office was the most pro-business, centrist democrat ever. Dubya ran as a straight-laced conservative who would bring true morals back to White House, yet back in the day was a hard partying boozer with an inferiority complex (whose psychodrama continues to play out on the world stage). Neither was quite the straight shooter they pretended to be. Both of thier narratives, in fact, contained huge shifts in points of view. Bill was the college radical made straight. Dubya was the partyboy made straight. Neither actually believed anything then...and probably still not now.

Compare, please, to Barack Obama.

Read his race speech. (In essence, that's pretty much all I need to say on the subject).

If you were like me, prior to that, you didn't even believe politics could be played like that in the United States. You're ear for political discourse had become so atrophied you didn't believe there could even exist (in the words of Mr. Stewart) a candidate who speaks to the American people "like they're grown ups." Barack, in that speech, was balls out. What he believes isn't pretty and gussied up -- the way an individual in the middle of generationwide realligning of values has to be. He's open, saying here I am and here is the way it is. If you're going to argue against me, you're going to have to argue on substance, not on keywords and catchphrases.

Obama knows that the thing that trumps experience is judgement...and to any generation born post-1960, judgement rings true when presented with honesty. Intellectual honesty. Boomers don't know how to do that. They don't because their entire generation is built on a huge lie -- the lie of peace and love and all that bullshit -- which clearly no longer exists. Boomers are the reason we have Celestial Seasonings and carbon credits and Whole Foods (and from the other side, things that sound 60's friendly, like Compassionate Conservatism and No Child Left Behind and the notion of "evildoers"). The sold out concepts of hippie idealism, repackaged for 2008.

Fortunately for us, that shit don't cut the mustard no more.

Now, there's alot of them out there . . . but they don't have a pony in this race. They (ha ha!) have been put into the position of voting for their parents or their offspring. I don't, unfortunately, have much faith in them. But they've been in control of politics in this country for 16 years. It's not a force to take lightly. On the flipside, there's clearly enough in us to win this election. The truth is, as time goes on, we've got alot more at stake. Let's make it happen.

(PS -- Yes, I made some broad generational generalizations. Of course I don't believe that about every member of said generation. Sorry if you're offended, Mom. {I know you're not a hippy.})

(PPS -- I don't think my Mom reads this.)

(PPPS -- I hope not.)

Barack on a bumper car image from The Big Picture which you should check out if you enjoy bright shiny things.

Without Further Comment #19 ("OK, Done!" edition)

2008-07-14T13:12:00.002-05:00

Couple of Thoughts

2008-02-14T00:11:00.002-05:00

1) On an American Airlines flight a couple of weeks ago, I heard the stupidest thing ever:

At this time, you must discontinue the use of all electronic devices. You may continue to use your cellular phones.

And then, after my head was a perpetual state of nearly exploding for 72 hours after hearing those two sentences in the same breath -- they said the exact same thing on the way back.

2) Mr. J. Cohen has begun blogging about the candidate this blog tacitly approves of over at Things Worth Reading. He wasn't lying in the title there kids.

3) And lastly, it feels great to be on the forefront of news. You may have read this on Gothamist -- rest assured, Staying West broke this anal leakage story wide open more than a year ago.

Hasn't He Suffered Enough?

2008-01-23T22:42:00.000-05:00

This story is all too tragic...and all to familiar. A bright light diminished before it's time, in the prime of it's youth. Because of Heath Ledger's recent passing:

Production on Heath's most recent film, the Terri Gilliam-directed The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, has been shut down.

When will God stop punishing this man? I mean, for Chrissakes, the same untimely ends happen to his legimate film projects as happen to my ideas for screenplays while they are still rolling around inside my head. The man cannot catch a break.

Rest In Peace

...another Gilliam film taken from us before it's time.

(via Perez)

A Special Thank You...

2008-01-03T23:25:00.000-05:00

....to Staying West's Iowa readers, who clearly took this to heart:

(Of course, the Iowa caucus is pure bunk. But ya gotta start somewhere.)

Made from the best design on earth

2007-12-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

This has got to be the stupidest business decision I've seen in a while:

I can spot a Snapple in a deli fridge among all the other finely-designed, colorfully-labeled bottles: I can do a quick scan for that weird sun that shows up in the iced teas, or the checkered or otherwise patterned cap, or, of course, the angled logo — but, unfortunately, it looks like all those recognizable traits and quick identifiers (for me at least) will soon be gone. In their place, a very slick look will replace this idiosyncratic brand, blurring the distinction between it and all those other nondescript bottles. Sigh.

The old Snapple labels were what my good friend Mario would refer to as a "hot mess". The bottles were ridiculous looking -- every one of them. Snapple was the Ben and Jerry's of sugar water....but B+J's cartons still look exactly as folksy and handdrawn as they have for years. And that was part of what made you actually think you were drinking something resembling a fruit-stand fresh drink blend....and not something mixed in a vat off the Turnpike. The new labels look exactly like the latter image. This blandness is the deathknell of the identifiable brand.

I predict racks of Snapple will be greatly reduced, or altogether gone from bodega shelves, in 5 years. It's that bad a miscalculation.

(Brand New: Twenty Degrees of Separation)

Recession Special

2007-12-19T20:24:00.000-05:00

When you read stories like this.....(go on, read it, I'll wait)...you can't help but agree with my good friend Dr. Grey:

I mean, here's an issue that would mostly be ignored by the political establishment. And if it was addressed, the Republicans would offer huge tax breaks to some ConAgra backed supermarket to bulldoze a couple of blocks of fix-me-up townhouses and build a big box grocery version of the vomit inducing Atlantic Center. Democrats, on the other hand, faced with the same problem would spend gazillions of dollars on academic studies and then decide to open a "community center" with a big mural and cooking classes -- and bulletproof glass and no funding in a couple of years. Both would be seen as abject failures.

Now I realize Bloomie's a capitalist through and through. That could be a bad thing -- but on many issues he seems to be thinking about everybody's economic best interests. The poorer citizens can open businesses. The neighbors of poorer communities get produce without having to spend the precious commodity of time to procure it. The only folks who don't profit from this -- are supermarkets.

I mean -- think about it. Actually helping two distinct groups of constituents with one stone....without involving big business or big government. It's kind of amazing.

Free hot dogs on inauguration day would only be the beginning.

(pic from this guy's flickr stream)

Without Further Comment #18 (Chance for Confusion edition)

2007-12-11T14:45:00.001-05:00

(Greenpoint, Brooklyn)

No Subject

2007-12-07T10:06:00.001-05:00

Not Like This Post is Going to Help Any

2007-12-05T17:52:00.000-05:00

Results of the Blog Readability Test:

    Records I Buy: High School Level
    Random Access Babble: High School Level

    Gothamist: Junior High Level

    Staying West: Elementary School Level

    Drunken Stepfather: Genius level

(Drunken Stepfather is totally NSFW, by the way)

Stop the Insanity

2007-12-04T14:14:00.000-05:00

Here in New York, we don't really feel like we have much sway in the election. The city and the state are so blue, what we do doesn't seem to matter. We're watching Florida and Ohio and Pennsylvania holding our breaths, hoping they do the right thing.

But there is something we can do to affect November 2008, and we need to start doing it now.

Can we, collectively, this time, at least make it easy for those all important swing states to do the right thing? Can we, all together now, agree to not nominate Hillary Rodham Clinton as the Democratic candidate?

If Clinton does become the candidate, the likelihood of another Kerry or Gore type narrow defeat seems all too real. That, by the way, would be the best case scenario. The likelihood of all out landslide by something like the Huckabee/Thompson ticket seems almost assured.

Plenty of people like Hillary. I actually think she'd make a fantastic president and would be a great "first woman Commander in Chief." And, I wish, like most things in life, you could just vote with your gut and be morally pure and actaully go into the voting booth and choose the person who you think would do the best job.

Unfortunately, this is primary politics and not Oscar balloting -- it's not a meritocracy.

The choice of candidate this time needs to be completely overshadowed by electability. It's either the Democrats come up with a candidate who can win the electoral college, or we're on the fast track for 12 straight years of Republican rule. Now, the cult of "electability" got the Dems into trouble before -- that's why we were stuck with Kerry as a candidate in 2004. However, I'd say the crop of '08 is a little stronger than '04, more polished and spitshined. This time, we're not going for "blandness" (as seemed to be Kerry's biggest advantage versus the presumed frontrunner, Howard Dean).

What this is all leading up are these numbers:


H. Clinton                    Favorable   Unfavorable

    Republicans                   11%               84%
      Democrats            79%                13%

B. Obama
       Republicans                  37%                 35%
       Democrats                       57%                  18%

The democrat numbers are just in there for reference and balance. The thing to look at are the Republican numbers. Republicans are shaky right now -- their party as clearly lost it's way -- not all registered Republicans are going to vote down party lines. But, by looking at these numbers, you can tell they're sure as hell not going to vote for Hil, either. More than 4 out of 5 registered Republicans have made up their mind -- they have an unfavorable view of Clinton -- and will definitely not cross party lines to vote for her.

But, Barack -- one third don't like him (fair enough, one third of Americans still think Bush is doing a superlative job), one third like him and one third are ambivalent. Up to two thirds of Republicans are at least open to voting for Obama. I'd much prefer my chances with those numbers going into November '08.

Here's what it all comes down to: Hillary is simply too polarizing to play in the flyover states. Regardless of what you think about her, or what she would stand for, I think ending Republican control of the executive at this point in history trumps all other concerns. And I'm not saying Obama should be the candidate -- I'm just saying Hillary shoudn't be.

Most Americans are good people and want to do the right thing -- let's make it easy for them to do the right thing this time.

December Updata

2007-12-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

So, for the past few weeks I've had two posts I've been working on, neither of which I can seem to finish. One is called "Fuck San Francisco", the other is called "Fuck the Writers" (those being the striking writers, if you couldn't guess). They're really gonna be great screeds, I promise. Unfortunately, finishing them....or even making them coherent has been difficult. So, I've decided that maybe I just shouldn't be "fucking" anybody for the time being (too Gawkerish, maybe?). Need to get back on a positive note. So instead let me tell you about something I genuinely like and won't be snarky about:

.

...

......

Fuck. Can't do it.

I'm Prescient

2007-11-12T20:00:00.000-05:00

Seventeen entertainment blogs—among them Televisionary, Give Me My Remote and Glowy Box—will go dark Tuesday, replacing their sites with WGA solidarity statements.

"Some people thought we'd be against the writers because our favorite shows are going away, but we wanted to show that some things are more important than a few shows airing full season," says Glowy Box blogger Liz Pardue, who organized tomorrow's "blog strike." "There needs to be an education effort made and we're trying to do our part."

I hope that last three months of Staying West's "blog strike" taught you a valuable lesson about not under-appreciating your hardworking CSI: Miami writers! See, I knew these dark days of picketing television writers were coming, so I started my political action early. I know the silence of Staying West's witty commentary has hurt you almost as much as the silence of Leno's nightly monologue these last couple of days -- but how else are we going to teach those Hollywood titans a lesson? The only way they will listen is if we stop producing the only thing more dear to millions of Americans than nightly television: the thoughts of unemployed Brooklynites!

Sorry, but it had to be done.

(Strikers Gain Fan Support)

Lame

2007-11-12T12:53:00.000-05:00

Staying West's cleansing time in the wilderness is over.

But don't worry, I've been like a friggin' squirrel hiding away my grumbles/bitches/moans in the hollowed out tree that is the rear of my cranium, waiting for a time much like....this.

Saturday the Ninth

2007-06-01T11:30:00.000-05:00

Saturday, June 9
at 3:30pm
AMC Loews 34th St @8th ave www.NewFest.org

Five years of shooting, a year and a half of editing and now it's premiering -- be there, damnit!

Without Further Comment #17 (Cleared Up Edition)

2007-05-17T17:31:00.000-05:00

J: Do you believe in God?
A: Of course I believe in God.
J: Why do you believe in God?
A: The Bible tells us to believe in God.
J: That’s circular reasoning.
A: I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
J: Yes. Would you like to hear a joke?

(from Discover magazine {via Digg}: two artificial intelligence "chat bots" attempt to converse. click through for the entire hilarity)

I am totally uncreative

2007-05-17T10:27:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Jeremy for pointing out the striking similarities between my new business card...

...and the greatest album of all time.

It guess it could have been worse -- I could have put a picture of Steve Jobs on the back.

(Addendum: And, holy shit! The color scheme of YHF totally matches this blog. I've got some serious Tweedy jonsing.)

Shafted

2007-05-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

Vacaying on the Continent is one of life's little joys. (Can I get an amen?)

I just recently got back from way too long in Spain. I basically managed to hit every town of note below Madrid, with a brief respite to the UK by waltzing into Gibraltar. The only thing that spoilt my unbridled enjoyment was seeing this advertising campaign in every town I visited:

(click for a larger view)

They all say "Your euro goes further in New York" and then demonstrate the insane extravagances you -- a blue collar Spanish street sweeper -- will be able to afford in cheap, cheap Nueva York. Basically it was a daily reminder of how I was being shafted on my bocadilla de casa.

My question to the 2008 candidates: What are you going to do about this? I want four forks and someone to feed me grapes! I would hate to suffer through a Cold War era luxury gap! Listen up guys (and gal) -- this is a litmus test issue for Staying West! I look forward to hearing your plans.

Things Annoying Me Yesterday

2007-05-01T13:23:00.000-05:00

1. This graph...still:

2. Seasonal allergy symptoms.

3.

Things Annoying Me Today

2007-04-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

1) April showers.

2) Celebrities on talk shows who clap at the audience when making their entrance.

3) This graph:

4) Wii elbow

5) That I can't assertain the meaning of this shirt:

I mean, my first instinct is that it's a play on male genitalia size. But then why -- of all metaphors in the world -- use fingers? Since fingers are a readily available male genitalia substitute for millions of teenagers, lesbians, and creative types, I have to take the fingers literally. So now the only interpretation I have is that this chick wants to get fisted...but I somehow doubt they would sell that at Hot Topic. Very confusing.

...so that's annoying. Ideas?

Quack quack.

2007-04-12T16:57:00.000-05:00

I support Don Imus.

CBS certainly has the right to fire him, but it's a cowardly, scary thing for them to do. Caving to pressure like that is just going to embolden all the myriad First Amendment haters out there, letting them know that corporate media doesn't have the spine to stand behind the people they pay to shock us. And who will come calling to CBS's door next asking for content to be deleted? The current administration? The religious right? The New Yorker reading, latte swilling Brooklynites?

Imus said an awful thing, and he should be disciplined, called out, and made to apologize....but not muzzled.

Firing Imus because of his three mischosen words accomplishes nothing valuable. It heals no rifts, cures no ills, and only sweeps another very important topic in America under the rug. This incident should be an opening for a conversation about race, not a witch hunt. But now the witch hunt is over...or is it?

Rev. Al Sharpton said this: "It is our feeling that this is only the beginning. We must have a broad discussion on what is permitted and not permitted in terms of the airwaves." I'll wait a second while you shudder at that thought.

If it's going to be left up to the likes of the good Reverend (or Pat Robertson, or George W. Bush, or Hilary Clinton) to determine what's worthy of being broadcast on the American people's airwaves, all I have to say is: thank goodness we have the internet.

Without Further Comment #17 (I'm Speechless Edition)

2007-04-10T04:06:00.000-05:00

Hi Geoff,

My name is Howard Cantrell and I’m a Talent Scout for XXXXXXX, a worldwide modeling and talent company. I saw your pictures and I felt you have great potential. You have a great smile, excellent posture, and you look like someone with a great personality. It is my job to find talent just like YOU and help them get started in the industry! I want to give you an opportunity to get that start. I'd like to invite you to check out the website www.XXXXXXX.com. View the site, get to know the company, and see what were all about.

Email me back at Howard.CantrellJr@XXXXXXX.com with any questions you may have. Otherwise, go ahead and enroll. Once you have enrolled your profile will be available for thousands of industry professionals to view. All of this is 100% FREE to you. VERY IMPORTANT, This enrollment is by INVITATION only! You will need to enter my Scout ID to complete the enrollment process; My Scout ID#XXXXXXX Congrats!!!

I look forward to talking to you soon,

Howard Cantrell
Scout ID: XXXXXXX
Howard.CantrellJr@XXXXXXX.com

(sent to me via MySpace)

(NB - Staying West is in Spain for approximately two more hours, then we'll resume our regularly scheduled blogcast.)

In Absentia

2007-03-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

Staying West is going on a little hiatus for a couple of weeks.

(Unless I decide to live-blog Tangiers...which is a very real possibility, I guess.)

Be back soon.

Without Further Comment #16 (Yo! That Iceberg White Dude totally got called out, yo! Edition)

2007-03-19T10:58:00.000-05:00

"The Viscount Monckton of Brenchley presents his compliments to Vice-President Albert Gore and by these presents challenges the said former Vice-President to a head-to-head, internationally-televised debate upon the question, 'That our effect on climate is not dangerous,' to be held in the Library of the Oxford University Museum of Natural History at a date of the Vice-President's choosing.

"Forasmuch as it is His Lordship who now flings down the gauntlet to the Vice-President, it shall be the Vice-President's prerogative and right to choose his weapons by specifying the form of the Great Debate. May the Truth win! Magna est veritas, et praevalet. God Bless America! God Save the Queen!"

I would like to have seen Montana

2007-03-11T16:04:00.000-05:00

Admiral Josh Painter: What's his plan?
Jack Ryan: His plan?
Adm. Painter: Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.

This is truely a happy day. The Times is reporting that actor-turned-senator-turned-actor Fred Thompson is exploring running for President in '08. Let it be known: Staying West will vote for any actor from The Hunt for Red October, regardless of party affiliation!

If more than one Red October actor runs, I'll vote by order of theatrical billing (You hear that, Baldwin?!?) As far as the whole notion of actors running for higher office, I believe Thompson said it best himself:

Admiral Josh Painter: This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Without Further Comment #15 (Snowball's Chance edition)

2007-03-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

“The people who denigrate lottery players are like 10-year-olds who are disgusted by the idea of sex: they are numb to its pleasures, so they say it’s not rational,” said Lloyd Cohen, a professor of law at George Mason University

(the NYT)

Oscar Predictions 2007

2007-02-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

Scorsese, Mirren, Whitaker, Hudson, Murphy, and, just to be contrary, Iwo Jima.

Yawn.

Staying West Pledge #1

2007-02-25T17:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, you just have to wonder what a blog stands for. (Usually it's crass commercialism or objectifying women -- neither of which I'm guilty of.) Luckily for you, there's no longer any actual analytical thought involved, because Staying West will begin telling you what it stands for. Please welcome, the Staying West Pledge:

Today there was an article in the Times entitled "Pole Dancing Parties Catch on in Book Country." I'll wait while you click. (If you're like me, and you're saying aloud, "Please let there be a picture! Please let there be a picture!", allow me to ruin the surprise: There is one. And it's totally worth the click-through.)

I thought it prudent to check out Amazon and see what literature there was on the subject. (This was purely scientific research for the sake my editing friend, mind you). Amongst the books, we came across this:

For just $109, this "Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit + DVD and More" gives you a stripper pole that can be temporarily installed in any room (up to 8'6"!) and a DVD to teach ya all the moves. What intrigued me, of course, was the "...and More". If you check out the larger picture, you'll see that it's a flimsy garter belt and "fun money". That sounds like "fun"...kind of.

Staying West's Pledge: Ladies of the universe -- if you ever set up a pole and stripper dance for me, I vow to stick real American dollars in your garter belt.

(....but you'll have to give them back after you're done.)

Rocket Science

2007-02-19T14:09:00.000-05:00

As someone who considers themselves a foodie (or, at least someone susceptible to dropping five bills on dinner for two), I felt like a traitor to the cause when I had a realization the other day: I'm totally over arugula. I'm just plain sick of it.

Now, honestly, I'm using the word "arugula" incorrectly. What I really mean is, "fancy salad greens" and, more precisely, "fancy salad greens that come in my West Village lunch." I'm talking about that arugula. Which is to say, the flat stuff that looks like herbs, the purple stuff that looks like skunk cabbage, the spongy stuff that looks like Brillo pads and the actual Eruca sativa that looks like...uhhhh...leaves. That whole gnarly combination of chlorophyll indiscriminately plopped in a plastic container and covered with the day's haute ingredient -- I'm over it. For the love of all that is sweet and holy, I just want some damn Romaine.

My real problem is twofold.

First off, this arugula has become a symbol. An empty gesture. For Christmas, I got United States of Arugula: How We Became a Gourmet Nation -- which I admittedly have not yet read. But I'm sure it will explain how we were living in a Frito Pie induced Dark Age (or...depending on your gender and homestate, Renaissance Period) before the late 70's when James Beard wandered in and changed everything. Without having even cracked it open, the important point has been made -- arugula is one of the touchstone foods in American millennial gourmandism (along with extra virgin olive oil, double lattes, and hand-massaged beer-fed cheeseburger beef). And really, arugula deserves plenty of merit. It can be a damn fascinating flavor, especially when all you're expecting is mere lettuce. It's spicy, which is not normal in a green. It's mouth-feel is different in a way I'm not nearly sophisicated enough to describe. These aberrations from the norm of greens make arugula just a little decadent.

That veneer of decadence is what makes it the poor man's black truffles. Black truffles are one of those items that fancy pants restaurants will grate over a dish at the last minute to elevate the experience. In plenty of restaurants, however, they've begun grating the truffle indiscriminately over everything. It's an easy way to take a regular dish and make it "gourmet" and expensive. Do these dishes need it? Probably not. Could you get the same flavor profile some other way? Probably. But there's the "Wow" factor of black truffles.

Unfortunately, this notion has trickled down to my lunchtime salad. Add these arugulized mixed greens and suddenly my salad is "gourmet!" and "exciting!"

Except it's not.

And that reason is problem number two. Arugula has become commoditized. So many delis and saladteria's are preparing these "gourmet" salads that the greens have to come in big mediocre bags of blandness. Oh, stuck in a salad they may be visually exciting, with all that frisée and such, but the taste leaves plenty to be desired. Expanding what was a delightful farmer-grown green (virtually unheard of in this country until the early 90's!) to ConAgra level production has effectively killed it's charms.

I know many of the more frugal of you out there are going, "Well, geeez, Geoffers, it's pretty simple: stop buying those fancy salads. Get simple salads, they still make them with romaine some places, you know!" Which is a point I acknowledge. Here's the problem -- I still really like all the yummy shit on top of the fancy pants salad. I don't want to give that up -- I just want for the base to change. It's like a canvas for a painter. If you're going to be Picasso with the shit on the top of the salad, I, for one, don't care if the canvas comes from Sam Flax or from Wal Mart.

Fox News embraces, extends the Daily Show

2007-02-17T16:55:00.000-05:00

Ouch. This is seriously painful. FNC has created their own right-leaning fake-news show. Something like that might actually be fun to watch, if it was actually funny.

What's pathetic about Fox's attempt at cool is how it has all the awful awkwardness of Saturday Night Live's humorless Weekend Update sketch with almost carbon copies of the Daily Show graphics, set, and, yes, even the sweeping crane shot at the beginning of the show. I'd at least give them points for trying something different -- but they didn't.

In fact, they did something ridiculous. Since the Daily Show's left-leaning humor is mocking right-leaning media, they style their show after Fox News (ie crazy music, bombastic graphics, highly partisan corespondents). If Fox News was really trying to skewer the left, wouldn't they style their show after NBC News and NPR? But this is what happened: Fox News has stolen the Daily Show's style -- which is mocking Fox News. It's like they're making fun of themselves, but they're not even in on the joke.

But then again, maybe this is part of Rupert's master plan -- make it so bad that the TDS crowd starts watching Fox for the camp factor, abandoning Stewart's occasional earnestness and righteous anger. And really, at the end of the day, that's all it's about -- eyeballs on the screen.

(Stewart! Colbert! Surnow? - Paper Mag, video clip included!)

(Also -- "qualified yes"? WTF?)

Silly me.

2007-02-13T03:02:00.000-05:00

That damnable iPhone screen isn't nearly big enough. I need something more like this to carry around.

Without Further Comment #14 (Amputee edition)

2007-02-05T23:39:00.000-05:00

When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, "I hate Macs", and then I think, "Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?" Losing that second mouse button feels like losing a limb.

If the [British "I'm a Mac/I'm a PC"] ads were really honest, Webb would be standing there with one arm, struggling to open a packet of peanuts while Mitchell effortlessly tore his apart with both hands. But then, if the ads were really honest, Webb would be dressed in unbelievably po-faced avant-garde clothing with a gigantic glowing apple on his back. And instead of conducting a proper conversation, he would be repeatedly congratulating himself for looking so cool, and banging on about how he was going to use his new laptop to write a novel, without ever getting round to doing it, like a mediocre idiot.

(from The Guardian)

Scariest Dialogue Box in the World

2007-02-05T09:14:00.000-05:00

...at least for film editors.

(google earth on JB's G5)

It was in my friggin' cart!

2007-02-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

This World = No Fair!

It sold out between me clicking "Add to Cart" and the next page loading.

(check out OuttaStock. I do...constantly)

Without Further Comment #13 (Ewwww! Under the Christmas tree?!? edition)

2007-01-28T14:31:00.000-05:00

Your date of conception was on or about 23 December 1977 which was a Friday.

(birthday calculator via digg)

Contest Time!

2007-01-27T18:50:00.000-05:00

It was finally time. Pennies were spilling onto the floor from my overflowing pasta sauce jars and plastic tiki cups. I loaded my booty (3 years worth!) into an empty Trader Joe's Chocolate Pussy container and hit the Coinstar machine...hard.

In the past, I was a coin roller. It was the only logical choice -- those damnable Coinstar machines would take out 8.5 cents on the dollar for thier valuable "service". But now, you can get your 8.5 cents back if you redeem your coins for Amazon, iTunes (or Cabellas!) gift certificates. It's like free money!

Needless to say, I've already placed my Amazon order and loaded up on books, DS games, Roomba filters, magazine subscriptions and some surprising beverage item (well, maybe not "surprising", depending on how well you know me). Quite a haul (still no Wii, though).

Now is the part where you come in. Guess how much money was in the container -- leave your answers in the comments. The closest guesser wins some wonderful item from today's purchase, delivered to your house by a uniformed representative of the United States federal government!

Special Booby Prize: The person who most closely guesses the number of dimes, wins the couple of 0.50€ pieces that the machine rudely spit back out. (But realize, that's practically $2, making the booby prize probably a much better deal. )

UPDATE! Boy, am I an idiot! Apparently, Coinstar machines are ridiculously easy to hack.

How Many Airplanes?

2007-01-27T13:48:00.000-05:00

Hint: It's alot.

PS - Watching the entire east coast wake up at 11:00 Greenwich Time makes me smile. Clearly I'm an unrepentant lover of modernity.

(from digg)

Without Further Comment #12 (June Telephony Edition)

2007-01-17T22:53:00.000-05:00

The industrial design [of the iPhone] is brilliant. Apple has created another piece of high-tech jewelry. Some fogies of advancing years have suggested the initial price point of $499 is too high. They fail to understand: The “cool” of owning this phone, particularly for the early adopters, is worth an easy $497, bringing the phone itself down to $2 even.

(Bruce Tognazzini on AskTog.com)

Without Further Comment #11 ("I'm Back, Bitches!" edition)

2007-01-13T00:24:00.000-05:00

(served on NYT homepage's Most Popular List 1/13/07 after a 3 month absence)

WOFC Noontime Update #1 (With a Bullet! edition):

ECLEsiastical

2007-01-06T16:12:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was walking through the West Village with my friend, the ECLE, who was having a bit of trouble carrying her belongings:

ECLE: Help! I'm caught up in my latte and bag of NPR CDs!
Me: You are such an East Coast Liberal Elitist.
ECLE: Not true! I haven't had sushi in 2 days!

Although the ECLE was joking (I think...), the stereotypes speak for themselves. There are plenty of folks in this region (and, especially in South Brooklyn) who fit neatly into that box. It's a very comforting box, and I myself am easily wedged into a number of those pegholes (brunch snobbery, latte loving, political relativism, Times quoting, Park Slope apologism, occasionally dressing like I just got off a yacht). However, there is one place I will not go:

I will not subscribe to the New Yorker.

There's something about taking that step that would be the final nail in the coffin. I'd officially and unequivocally be a ECLE. And I can't do it. Something in my Texas roots just won't allow me to go down that road. And it's not that I question the quality of the New Yorker or don't believe that I'd enjoy it. I'm sure I'd love it. (I've certainly enjoyed plenty of books written by New Yorker authors.) No, the problem is the New Yorker is more of a prop than a magazine.

First off, it's simply too dense to absorb at the rate it's published. Everyone loves the articles and stories, but no one reads them all. (And, really, you could just go here for that one really important one.) I mean, does anyone disagree with Nic Cage spewing "sprawling New Yorker shit" time and time again in Adaptation? I know if I started getting it, I'd spend a few moments with my shiny new issue sitting on the john thinking of cartoon captions and then throw it in a pile in my bedroom of things I oughta read. And I suspect that what most everyone else does too.

It's like joining the Flower of the Month club, but for your coffeetable. A gleaming Batsignal to other ECLEs that you are in their virtual Skull and Bones club.

Sigh.

But I subscribe to Wired and Newsweek, so I suppose those (littered around the loo and the bed) define me as much as the New Yorker would anyone else.

But those two are both such broad publications. Maybe I'm trying to not be pegholed. Maybe I'm hoping I'll be seen as having a different tack, one I create myself. There certainly is a mono-culture in New York (especially in the media) and maybe I want to be on the outside looking in. That probably won't happen by simply not subscribing to a magazine.

I know that to my relations in Texas, I must seen like a huge East Coast Liberal Elitist no matter what I do. So, they probably won't be to surprised when I finish off by quoting Marx:

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member (for $47 a year).

Without Further Comment #10 (And whose United States? Edition)

2007-01-06T14:54:00.000-05:00

(banner ad served intermittently on drudge)

Goosebumps

2007-01-02T00:17:00.000-05:00

Because I am the biggest dork in the world, this gives me chills:

(www.apple.com)

Classic Takedown

2006-12-29T21:08:00.000-05:00

There is nothing that fills me with holiday cheer more than a little OCD blogger muckraking.

Dallasfood.org decided to find out if super-premium Noka Chocolates ($99 for a box of 12!) are worth the cost. It's a twisty-turny 10 part expose that could only exist through the internet and someone's micro-obsession. I won't tell you what they found out, but there's a little Jacques Torres secret wedged in there for those who care. (And you'll be able to converse about chocolate at Jacques's counter like you know what you're talking about.)

What's Noka Worth? (dallasfood.org)

(via the fireball)

Staying West's Big 2006 Year in Review

2006-12-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

It's been a big year! Let's go to the Excel spreadsheet:

Years spent on this earth: 28
Years spent in New York City: 10
Years spent next to the F train: 3

Employers this year: 8
Projects that made it onto TV: 4
Producers I made cry: 1 (that I know of)
World Cup matches watched in entirety while "on the clock": 1
Videotaped baby births witnessed: 8
Years of birth control that's good for: 10
Projects airing on television of which I am at least somewhat proud: 1

Length of first feature cut, in minutes: 73
Projects not currently airing on television of which I am very proud: 1

Weddings of peers attended: 3
Engagements of peers announced: 2
Divorces of peers informed of: 1
Pregnancies of peers announced: 0

Length, in minutes, of my best man's toast at my brother's wedding: 3

$16 cocktails drunk at the Russian Tea Room: 2
Tuckaberry shows attended: 2
Times I baited my mom on the way to church by talking politcs: 4
Number of dinners JB and I had at Zenkichi in the first month it was openned: 4
BAC of JB and I after all that sake at Zenkichi the first month it was openned: 2.6
Important movies that I should have watched in film school but didn't, watched in the past year: 0
Big venue rock concerts attended this year: 0
Times I was asked to explain my Halloween costume: 9
Number of Sangre De Toro toy bulls accumulated: 13

Truly shocking secrets learned this year: 2
Those of you who will learn what those are: 0

Plays of Rebellion (Lies) according to iTunes: 113
Plays of The District Sleeps Alone Tonight according to iTunes: 215
Plays of Via Chicago according to iTunes: 0
Percent trust I now have in iTunes play-count: 0

Percent chance I was in my slate gray J. Crew sweater on a first date: 75
Percent chance I was nervously fiddling with the zipper: 93
Percent chance doing that ruined all my chances: 67

Amount won playing a television quiz show: $350
Number of times I look like a tool on said television quiz show: 8
Biggest amount won playing blackjack: $1000
Number of times I will repeat that in my life: 0
Dollars the Korean laundry guy has likely extracted from my jean's pockets: 85
Number of cheese plates eaten at Otto: 6
Stages left to get through in Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! before I can see the female cheerleaders: 2

Relationships: 1

New Year's Resolutions: 3
New Year's Resolutions likely to to be acted upon: 1 (maybe)
New Year's Resolutions likely to be taken to conclusion: 0

Years spent on this earth (the same time next year): 29

Confession

2006-12-27T19:41:00.000-05:00

1) Time spent writing the TPOTY post - 45 seconds
2) Time spent compositing Time cover with fat nude man - 3 minutes
3) Time spent on images.google.com typing permutations like "fat guy naked", "old man typing nude", "obese pedophile nude" to find said fat nude man image - 32 minutes

(Confession postscript -- My next post will also entirely consist of a list with numbers. So dies American prose.)

TPOTY

2006-12-19T19:54:00.000-05:00

1) Matty gets it right.

2) Pat Buchanan(!) gets it right.

I realize...

2006-12-11T23:01:00.000-05:00

...that I sometimes am overly superlative about things. (Hence my problem in reviewing the records I buy). However, I can, for real, unequivocally say, this is the dorkiest thing ever:

And I so friggin' wish I'd thought of it first.

(via Wired blogs)

Premieres (rhymes with "Creamy Days")

2006-12-10T11:32:00.000-05:00

Two movie notes:

1) Jeremy has (pretty much) finished The Great Pretenders, a film four years in the making about office politics and corporate ridiculousness. He was far too kind in giving me co-editor credit, being that probably only a half dozen splices that I made still remain in the film. But, it's good -- I've screened it countless times over the past three years and it still makes me laugh.

He created a couple of little teasers clips for it. (More here).

JC's nice (iWeb created) website is here.

2) Johnny and I (pretty much) finished editing Gender Redesigner last weekend. There's not much to say, other than I'm really happy with this documentary. (How could one not be happy with a tit-chomping, drag-kinging, cross-country romp?)

You can be our friend on MySpace -- our (very, very old) fundraising trailer is there, too.

(OK, so I realize there's no actual "premieres" in this post, but that's coming soon....)

This Picture Is Not Moving

2006-12-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

really.

(via Digg)

Without Further Comment #9 (Sweet Jesus, Not Condos! Edition)

2006-12-01T10:23:00.000-05:00

An Open Letter to Nintendo

2006-11-29T10:21:00.000-05:00

Dear Nintendo,

I recently purchased your game Tetris DS for my Nintendo DS Lite and am enjoying it quite a bit. (Goes without saying...it's Tetris for chrissakes!) However, I have one major problem with it and that is the reason for this letter:

"Nintendo-themed" is not a theme!

As you well know, the Nintendo DS has two screens, one on top of another. You only need one of those screens to play Tetris. So, in "Tetris DS", while the bottom screen has your game going, appropo of nothing, classic 1984 Super Mario Brothers is being played by an unseen force on the top screen:

Not only that, but, as you can see, the background of the Tetris playfield features a darkened bit of World 1-1. Oh, and that Goomba on the lower right? He rotates randomly in 3D space.

It cotinues on from there. Various game modes have differant "themes" which all feature classic Nintendo or classic Gameboy graphics, like Metriod. Circa 1988 type graphics, I'm talking about, which gain a lovely amount of pixilation when translated to the DS's higher resolution screen.

With all this recycling of characters and graphical elements, you might as well call it Mariotetris. Of course, it wasn't always this way:

The top image is original Gameboy Tetris, the bottom is Apple II Tetris. Those had a theme that was totally unique to Tetris -- Russia. The Gameboy had it's wonderfully plinky Russian music. (Confession: As a 12 year old, I recorded the music onto my Walkman and would listen to it on car rides when my brother was using the Gameboy). The Apple II version had pictures of cosmonauts and Red Square around the playfield. This theme worked because it tipped it's hat to a world that (especially in the early eighties) was exotic and hidden. There was actaully something that felt a little seditious about playing Tetris.

Of course, that theme wouldn't work in 2006 (and I'm not asking you, Nintendo, to re-release it as OsamaTris). But in the quest to find a new theme to wrap the most sucessful (and I would say primal) puzzle games of all time, you decided to not continue that tradition of making Tetris exotic, instead you chose to nostalgically pat yourself on the back for the successes you had in the 80's.

Now, I can understand where you might be coming from. For you, "Mario" is an important brand. And I think you're trying to position Marioanything in parent's minds as "products that don't have sex or excessive violence that are safe for kids."

But that is extreme arrogance.

Because, in actuality, Tetris is a far stronger brand than Mario. And here's the real shame of it -- once you actually play Tetris DS, with it's spin mode and it's touch-screen push mode, you realize that the game of Tetris has been expanded upon quite nicely. However, the brand of Tetris has been cheapened by all the random Mario crap littering the playfield.

It's like you had an office to renovate. You made it much more functional by getting better desks and faster internet, but then put up wallpaper so annoying that no one could concentrate.

Besides the aesthetic clusterfuck, here's the basic problem: I feel ripped off. If I'm going to pay for a brand new game, I expect brand new elements. If I'm going to pay $30 just to use a new platform for a game I've been playing since 1986, it damn well better have entirely fresh graphic elements. (Hell, even something like C64 Girltris is at least a step in some direction.)

Tetris has a rich tradition and demands more respect, not the standard 8-bit Nintendo white wash you throw on anything you are too lazy to seriously think about making great.

sincerely,

Staying West

Neverending Source of Amusement

2006-11-18T11:24:00.000-05:00

AdSense's idea of what I need to purchase never gets old. You pull up a map of the city on MapQuest and you get:

Four ads for fake rollercoaster New York and one for a New York so real, I'd rather not think about it.

Japanese Hodgeman: Particularly dumb and obnoxious

2006-11-17T13:25:00.000-05:00

This is great. A close reading of the Japanese "Get a Mac" ads with insight you could only get from a native of Nippon. Unlike our versions of the ads, theirs are a subtle comedy of manners. Fascinating.

(via the fireball)

Most Foul

2006-11-16T22:20:00.000-05:00

Two things happened today:

- Got a job on a documentary show about homicide detectives

- Passed by a curbside memorial to Fausto Lopez

40 year old Lopez was walking from one busboy job to another at 4 in the morning when a 27 year old mistook him for someone else and shot him in the head and back. Seeing the flowers, candles and cards on a street in Hell's Kitchen I walk down everyday caught me off guard in a way I didn't expect. A man was mowed down here a few nights ago because of mistaken identity. We're still living in a dangerous big city and people are being killed randomly. It sounds trite, but I was bothered by the senselessness of it all.

I came to New York City two years into Giuliani-Time. I remember being 17, seriously considering NYU, and having a real adult tell me, "Living in New York is great, but you will have an altercation at some point.You just have to accept that." And I did. For the first several years I was here, I waited patiently for my run-in with thugs that never came. It's always seemed safe to me. Stumbling through Brooklyn (or Hell's Kitchen) at 4 AM never seemed dangerous. I feel in a protected bubble that grows thicker with every year. It's been 10 years, my bubble must be like the plexiglass at the check cashing places by now.

And I know that my bubble is going to make it easier to cut a show about murder. I will be detached from it. I'll be thrilled with our hero detectives and excited by the story I'm going to weave. I'm going to craft an awesome show about one of the most intriguing acts one human being can do to another. This is why I love my job.

But seeing a color copy of Lopez's smile taped to the side of a building made me remember why we call it vertité.

The Visceral Power of the Image

2006-11-14T14:46:00.000-05:00

The written word can only go so far. There's something inherent in moving images that creates tension merely by the passage of time. When reading a novel, the timeframe is created by the reader. Yes, a good novelist can make you read faster or slower depending on the cadence of the words, but it cannot match the intracable, uncontrolable tempo of film, and the emotional response that creates.

What this is a pretentious way of saying is: Novels have never made me say aloud, "Oh please, oh please, oh please!" waiting for the (hopefully) inevitable to happen.

The hopefully ineviatable is about 2/3rds in, but enjoy the whole ridiculous thing.

("Worst Burglar Ever" via digg)

And nobody thought I'd use it

2006-11-14T00:26:00.000-05:00

I'm cooking vegetables for Chrissakes!

(Mario Batali grillpan/panini press, available from Crate and Barrel. Thanks JB!)

Opiniogram #3

2006-11-10T01:26:00.000-05:00

#3 - Thumped edition

It's out there

2006-11-10T00:55:00.000-05:00

Finally, I've nurtured it as long as I could. It's time to send it out into the wild. I only pray I've given it the intellectual tools and emotional fortitude to survive in the harsh, harsh Tubes.

Don't even watch it. Just visit Google Video and rate it 5 stars.

One Word

2006-11-09T15:01:00.000-05:00

Phew!

Without Further Comment #8 (Gettin' Thumped edition)

2006-11-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

Look, people that's going to be looking at this election, the enemy's going to say, Well, it must America is going to leave. And the answer is no, that doesn't what it means.

POTUS. Today. Post-Thumping

I am almighty in verbosity

2006-11-01T11:14:00.000-05:00

This mere forum couldn't contain the depth and breadth of my thoughts.

So, I'm now writing about music on Records I Buy, too. Check it out.

Why I Love Rupert Murdoch

2006-10-31T23:03:00.000-05:00

The Post today also endorses Hillary Rodham Clinton for re-election to the United States Senate.
Surprised?
Well, so are we - a little.

Let that sink in for a second.

The New York Post is endorsing HRC. The Post is owned by the News Corp., which also owns Fox and the Fox News Channel. Could you ever imagine Fox News endorsing Hill for anything? Of course not. But much like the Senator's position on gay rights is "evolving", so are the Murdoch owned properties hard-lined right wing stances "evolving".

Because, here's my theory: Fox News isn't slanted so far right because that's what Murdoch originally wanted, it's slanted so far right because that was how the prevailing wind was blowing in Washington. Murdoch wants to be on the power side, the side that wins. (Hence, Hillary.) Mark my words: If Dems win in '06 and '08, Fox News will slowly drift center. You might not notice it, because it will happen slowly, but if the Dems have solid control of the executive and legislative branches (perhaps in 2010?), Fox News will be cheering on the new winning team. And Murdoch will still have the hearts and minds of the largest American voting block.

Without Further Comment #7 ("Lookin' Forward to Being 30" Edition)

2006-10-31T20:10:00.000-05:00

The federal government's "no sex without marriage" message isn't just for kids anymore.
Now the government is targeting unmarried adults up to age 29 as part of its abstinence-only programs, which include millions of dollars in federal money that will be available to the states under revised federal grant guidelines for 2007.

Wade Horn, assistant secretary for children and families at the Department of Health and Human Services, said the revision is aimed at 19- to 29-year-olds because more unmarried women in that age group are having children.

Government data released last month show that 998,262 births in 2004 were to unmarried women 19-29, the ages with the most births to unmarried women.

"The message is 'It's better to wait until you're married to bear or father children,' " Horn said. "The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence."

yesterday's USA Today

Ugggggh!

2006-10-31T12:35:00.000-05:00

New York's Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Cost-of-Living Calculator. Give it a (very depressing) whirl.

My cost of living in 10 years ended up being $180,000 after taxes.

Uggggh! And that's just with one kid in public school. I've seen plenty of Baby Stories! Those wenches always trick ya into having a couple!

I'd Rather Watch This than the Learning Channel

2006-10-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

There's about 20 awesome things going on in this video. I can't even begin to catalog them:

via digg

Opiniogram #2

2006-10-24T22:40:00.000-05:00

#2 - Frozen Music edition

Without Further Comment #6 ("Living in a Post x World" edition)

2006-10-24T22:04:00.000-05:00

The Kobe earthquake and the Tokyo gas attack of Janurary and March 1995 are two of the gravest tragedies in Japan's postwar history. It is no exaggeration to say there was marked change in the Japanese consciousness "before" and "after" these events. These twin catastrophes will remain embedded in our psyche as two milestones in our life as a people.

That such cataclysmic events should come in quick succession was as startling as it was coincidental. Yet, arriving as they did at the time when Japan's "Bubble economy" burst, marking the end of those times of rampant excess, they ushered in a period of critical inquiry into the very roots of the Japanese state. It was as if these events had been lying in wait to ambush us.

Emphasis mine.

from Haruki Murakami's Underground (2000), an oral history of the Tokyo subway sarin gas attacks.

Crazy about Christians

2006-10-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

With the changing of the leaves, the nip of Jack Frost and the end of Hell's Kitchen: Season 2, it can only mean one thing -- time to program the DVR for a fall of butt numbing new shows. In the time honored throw-spaghetti-against-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks tradition of network television, we've been bombarded with new choices. This season, I've hitched my horse to two series and (luckily for me) I think they're gonna stick -- Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and Friday Night Lights. I recommend both.

Studio 60 got off to a slow start, but the last two episodes have been great television about making media in Dubya America. Of course, being that it's written by Aaron Sorkin (of West Wing and An American President fame), conservative watchdogs are both watching and dogging. L. Brent Bozell III, head of the always cheery Parent's Television Council, wrote this for the innocuous-sounding, but far-right leaning townhall.com:

The show goes behind the scenes of a fictional sketch-comedy program resembling "Saturday Night Live" at a fictional network called UBS. The censors at UBS have scratched a skit titled "Crazy Christians," and now all hell will break loose. We're never shown the skit, but we're told repeatedly that it's demonstrably hilarious.

Sorkin uses his first script to throw sharp knives and rusty razors at the Americans who've lobbied for less filthy television. The show begins with an improbable "standards and practices" censor telling the producer of the fictional "SNL" that he can't run "Crazy Christians" because "what do you want me to say to the 50 million people who are gonna go out of their minds as soon as it airs?" The producer cracks wise: "Well, first of all, you can tell 'em we average 9 million households, so at least 41 million of them are full of crap. Second, you can tell 'em that living where there's free speech means sometimes you're gonna get offended."

Wow. That was a wise crack. What's the Moral Majority's response?

But Hollywood writers know that in a free-speech society, people are free to denounce Hollywood's shows when they are vile and disgusting.

Let's remember, we are talking about a show about a fake comedy show, but if you read it carefully, he doesn't seem to be arguing for the "Crazy Christians" skit to be cut. He instead argues that it's those "50 million" morality-loving Christian's God-given right to call and complain. And, for them to call and complain, the skit would have had to run. He actually seems to want a patently Christian bashing skit to run -- just so the PTC could be mobilized and try to knock Hollywood down another rung (a la Janet Jackson -- they loved what that shit accomplished!).

But that's really all he says about what TV should or shouldn't air. Instead he begins down this path about what morals entertainment should preach:

There's also a remarkable double standard at work here. While denouncing the free-speech rights of "crazy Christians," Hollywood exercises its own restrictions, zealously avoiding on camera the many social taboos -- smoking cigarettes, say -- to which it subscribes.

I ask you to watch the episode and see any place where the "free speech right" of anyone (friend or foe) was put in jeopardy.

What Hollywood likes is having the almighty power to offend -- to "challenge" society, as they like to describe it -- freely. But only some people are sought out for offending. For every supposedly crazy parent who worries about sex, violence and smutty talk on TV, perhaps there's another supposedly crazy parent who worries about different offenses, such as Twinkie commercials or scenes with cool, beautiful people smoking cigarettes.

Huhn? The only thing I can read into that is that organized religion and Twinkies are both sugary treats to be avoided...and maybe the talking-picture-box will make fun of you for falling for either of them too hard. (And, let me add in here, that the Christian character on Studio 60 is the most realistic portrayal of a believer I've seen on television, ever.)

The sum it up, you can tell how neutered Bozell feels in this piece -- he's wishing they'd shown "Crazy Christians" so bad. He's wishing they'd actually slurred Jesus. He's wishing the marketplace was filled with more than just intellectual ideas -- he wishing there was an infraction he could latch onto. Unfortunately for him, Sorkin's too smart for that.

New York City Soap Opera

2006-10-20T16:29:00.000-05:00

So Darren asks Joanne out. Joanne accepts. They eat at China Grill. (Nice restaurant. I've been there.) Darren pays, despite Joanne offering to split the check.

At some point after the meal, Darren gets the idea that Joanne didn't like him.

Rather than just chalk it up to a bad date (hey, it happens, right?) Darren... Well, Darren has other plans.

Ewwwwww....you just know you want to read the rest. (It even has actual post-date voicemails for you to enjoy!)

(via Gawker)

Opiniogram #1

2006-10-19T20:48:00.000-05:00

Here at SW we pride ourselves on something called "innovation". In this case, that means taking decades old ideas and rehashing them.

This is the first in a series of Opiniograms^TM -- my prescient thoughts, without the actual pain of having to hear me speak them.

Enjoy!

(as always, click for a larger look)

Without Further Comment #6 (Vice edition)

2006-10-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

Last week President Bush signed a law that will try to impede online gambling by prohibiting American banks from transferring money to gambling sites....

If a free society is to work, the vast majority of citizens must reflexively obey the law not because they fear punishment, but because they accept that the rule of law makes society possible. That reflexive law-abidingness is reinforced when the laws are limited to core objectives that enjoy consensus support, even though people may disagree on means.

Thus society is weakened every time a law is passed that large numbers of reasonable, responsible citizens think is stupid. Such laws invite good citizens to choose knowingly to break the law, confident that they are doing nothing morally wrong.

via today's NYT

My Soul Mate

2006-10-12T18:18:00.000-05:00

If you were lucky like me, this was today's Staying West banner ad:

That's a pretty huge claim...and being one who's incredibly gulliable and believes that technology ought to be able to solve any worldly problem, it certainly warranted more inspection. Clearly, there must have been some sort of statisical scienctific breakthrough (and it certainly made me wonder why creepy Dr. Warren Clark wasn't promising the same thing.)

Anyways -- click on the link, here's what you get:

Just a box for your name, your cellphone number and a pulldown menu where you put in your Zodiac sign. Simple! And you know how much I love intuitive interfaces. (Take that, Mr. Twenty Nine Dimensions!)

But, I didn't click it, because the "Terms and Conditions" you accept by clicking really suck:

(click to see larger)

Of course, $33.95 for a month is a small price to pay for such useful information (and horoscope text messages!)...however, I somehow suspect thier name matching algorithms might not be up to snuff yet, and I'd have to wait many billing cycles before I get the golden piece of information. Bummer.

This is a terrible time waster

2006-10-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

As if you needed one.

(via Digg)

(My highscore is in the 110,000s. Lemme know how you do.)

(Update: After some consideration, and alot of Wordy playing this afternoon, I feel last night's post may have been made with impaired judgement. It was probably more along the lines of 11,000...either that, or Cote du Rhone is the magical elixir of word games!)

Exciting New Search Engine

2006-10-08T17:27:00.000-05:00

Thanks, David Pogue!

Without Further Comment #5 (Cardboard Edition)

2006-09-30T13:26:00.000-05:00

“Where’s Flat Daddy?” an excited Baylee asked as her stepmother, Jennifer Smith, pulled a large cardboard picture of Sergeant Smith, in his uniform, out of her Chevy Blazer and propped him on the bumper. The two, along with Ms. Smith’s young sons, Alec and Derek, posed for a picture with their Flat Daddy, who promptly fell down.

“Stop it Dad, that’s not funny. It’s not a joke,” Baylee said with a laugh.

The Maine National Guard is giving life-size from-the-waist-up pictures of soldiers to the families of deployed guard members. Guard officials and families say the cutouts, known as Flat Daddies or Flat Soldiers, connect families with a relative who is thousands of miles away. The Flat Daddies are toted everywhere from soccer practice to coffee shops to weddings.

“The response has been unbelievable,” said Sgt. First Class Barbara Claudel, director of the Maine National Guard’s family unit. “The families just miss people so much when they’re gone that they try to bring their soldier everywhere.”

from today's New York Times.

Long Time Coming

2006-09-30T08:44:00.000-05:00

I finally found the webpage I've been trying to get to for over 10 years:

Here.

Long time coming, but I knew I'd get there eventually.

Without Further Comment #4 (IMDB edition)

2006-09-27T00:11:00.000-05:00

link

Exciting new blog for fans of visual comedy

2006-09-27T00:04:00.000-05:00

Marmaduke spots a smaller dog being toted around the block while on his afternoon walk, envies its portability and general lifestyle, decides he is sick of walking, and demands that Owner-Lady suck it up and carry him. Owner-Lady balks.

Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke in 500 Words or Less

Drinks! Poker! Live Music! Warm Fuzzy Feelings!

2006-09-26T22:37:00.000-05:00

One of my most talented friends, Dianna Tuckaberry, is getting ready for another season of witty children's theater in a ratty storefront in Brooklyn. To support this endeavor, her company will be having a fundraiser this Saturday. $10 (you wouldn't miss) to get in. $5 poker (cheap!). Learn all about it at the Tuckaberry Productions website.

Added Bonus: I'll be there.

Anime, Vanilla Ice, and my job

2006-09-25T20:23:00.000-05:00

Behold, one of the finest YouTube video I've seen in a while:

What I find so fascinating about this is the ramifications of such projects on my ability to be employed in a couple years. There are now literally thousands of kids, who, because of the popularity of YouTube are going on BitTorrent or Limewire and downloading FInal Cut Pro, Adobe Premiere or Avid Express and teaching themselves to edit. (Similar, admitedly, to what I did in the 8th grade when I dialed in to a BBS, stole Photoshop 2.5, and taught myself how to paste people's heads on other people's bodies.) The talent pool of "editors" is going to be huge. And, it's something, much like musical ability, that certain people (NB - not me!) have a natural talent for. It'll be pretty amazing when some underprivileged girl with an internet connection learns that she's just as good a storyteller as Thelma Schoonmaker or Dody Dorn or me.

On an even larger scale, the YouTube phenomon speaks to the eventual democratization of television -- something which I think nearly everybody can agree is long overdue. When everybody has an almost equal ability to be a content creator, where does the line between audience and producer get drawn? Look back at my post about the people who (for all intents and purposes) "defaced" the 9/11 conspiracy documentary Loose Change with catty comments about the theorists being idiots. How soon before that happens to 60 Minutes? The Daily Show? Rocketboom? It's certainly not hard to do with a computer and basic editing software.

But, back to Under Ice video -- something else interesting is the way anime is kind of becoming a shorthand. You see it on a lot of kid's MySpace pages. It actually leads me to wonder if anime will be the cultural shorthand of the next generation. Meaning, something you'll see mixed into mainstream programs to give an emotional cue (much the way music and color do now).

My angle is, though, as a professional, wondering how this aesthetic will be attainable in future entertainment legally. (I think this is the aesthetic that the kids feel is authentic -- remashed and remixed audio and video.) How are copyright rules going to keep up with this? Will they be able? And will professionally (and legally) created media be able to hold up to the media created on the edge of copyright legality?

Questions aside, I love this video. I think it's a weird little harbinger of the future -- a media universe which, for better or worse, we'll all have to live in.

(You can get a hi-res version here and an mp3 of the remix here)

As per usual...

2006-09-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

my (tah-dah!) 100th post, has no actual content.

Only something I thought was funny from the Daily Show from a couple of weeks ago:

Typical.

Without Further Comment #3

2006-09-24T21:35:00.000-05:00

Some Columbus radio stations have rejected as insensitive an advertisement for a car dealership that invokes Islamic references...In the spot, Keith Dennis of Dennis Mitsubishi talks about "launching a jihad on the automotive market."

Sales representatives "will be wearing burqas all weekend long," the ad says. One of the vehicles on sale "can comfortably seat up to 12 jihadists in the back."

"Our prices are lower than the evildoers’ every day. Just ask the pope! " the ad says. "Friday is fatwa Friday, with free rubber swords for the kiddies."

Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch via Drudge

It's 2006.....!

2006-09-18T22:24:00.000-05:00

One of my common outbursts when technological things don't "just work" on the first try is, "It's 2006, they shoulda fixed that by now!"

Our friends in Cupertino just got around to fixing iTunes. In a feature that shoulda been there since, ohhh....say 2000...iTunes 7.0 now has gapless playback.

The problem is -- now I expect a millisecond of silence between Haiti and Rebellion (Lies) and when I don't hear it, I get thrown off. I've become too used to the vagrencies of digital music in it's infancy.

Indeed, it's a horseless carriage and not a car.

There are no words.

2006-09-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

Today, CNN is streaming it's original 9/11 coverage here.

I watched the first two hours this morning and was struck by something. In 2006, when we see the Twin Towers or 9/11 footage, the focus is almost always on those who lost their lives. Everything is very reverent...and personal. The towers have become a very moving symbol of death and sacrifice.

However in 2001, at 9:50am on CNN, the prevailing sentiment is one of such shock and fear, that the notion of human lives being lost hasn't even sunk in yet. Aaron Brown reports about buildings being on fire and about buildings falling. It's so surreal -- especially considering the way 24 hour news usually revels in reporting death and human suffering. For those first few hours, everyone was so confused, the news couldn't even filter events through their normal angle.

And I think that's what I'll remember most from that morning.

The abstractness of it all. The sense of incompleteness -- you couldn't even begin to worry about those people downtown and in Washington because this giant "thing" wasn't even over yet. Actual thoughts I had within moments of each other: 1) Do I need to run out and buy water in case the drinking supply has been poisoned? 2) When I'm in the city, how will I know which way is south?

It was the afternoon when we all, as a country, snapped back to our senses and began wondering about the people in the towers. (Of course, I'm excluding everybody who knew a friend or relative who would definitely be at the WTC or Pentagon at the time. I, and many of my NYC peers, did not.) It was the afternoon when the standard "9/11 feeling" actually began -- the feeling of sadness and pity and mourning. The feeling that will be memorialized and remembered.

But it was the morning, around 10:30 eastern time, when one tower had collapsed, the Pentagon had been hit, the White House had been evacuated and rumors were that the Capital Building was on fire and the Sears Tower was targeted that is the "9/11 feeling" that no symbol or movie or memorial can reproduce. It is very internal and visceral. It's a throbbing pain in the front of your brain. It's knowing that your city is being attacked. Period. It's the feeling of reality falling into uncertainty...

...and yet it all making perfect sense.

Impoliteness

2006-09-09T21:54:00.000-05:00

Back when I started this little navel-gaze, I believe I promised "impolite Park Slope brunch reviews". (Or something to that effect.) There haven't really been many of those yet. That is about to change...somewhat.

Tonight, I went to the very yummy Yamato on 7th Ave. Bri and I, fresh off our Vegas King Crab Gorge^TM, ordered the very yummy Red and White Roll (A dinner special only for this week -- hurry!). It's king crab bits with avocado, tuna and white tuna on top.

Seriously, it was very good.

But...

...we wondered, what is this "white tuna"? Isn't the regular (red) tuna just plain old tuna? The only other tuna I know of is yellowtail. This white tuna is neither. Nevertheless, we contentedly ate our (Did I mention it was very yummy?) Red and White Roll.

Fast forward to five minutes ago. "Huh, I wonder what that white tuna is? I wonder how it's differant than normal tuna?" The answer came via the always (somewhat) reliable Wikipedia:

"White tuna" is Escolar, a snake mackerel found in deep (200–885 m) tropical and temperate waters around the world. It is also sold as "butterfish", "oilfish," and "Hawaiian butter fish".

Wow. A mackerel. The thing is -- I love mackerel. And in fact, I recognized the taste of the "white tuna" as something I love to get when I order an unidentifiable Sushi Deluxe assortment.

Imagine my surprise when I get to this part of the Wikipedia entry:

Like its relative the oilfish, Ruvettus pretiosus, the escolar is consumed in several European and Asian countries, as well as in the USA. Neither fish metabolises the wax esters (Gempylotoxin) naturally found in their diet, which causes an oil content in the muscle meat of the fish amounting to 18–21%. These wax esters may rapidly cause gastrointestinal symptoms following consumption; however, these effects are usually short lived. The gastrointestinal symptoms, called "keriorrhoea", caused by these wax esters may include oily orange diarrhea, discharge, or leakage from the rectum that may smell of mineral oil. The discharge can stain clothing and occur without warning 30 minutes to 36 hours after consuming the fish. The oil may pool in the rectum and cause frequent urges for bowel movements due to its lubricant qualities and may be accidentally discharged by the passing of gas. Symptoms may occur over a period of one or more days. Other symptoms may include stomach cramps, loose bowel movements, diarrhea, headaches, nausea, and vomiting. Some suggestions for avoiding the ruining of clothing and embarrassment, for both males and females, include use of strategically placed feminine hygiene products (e.g. panty liners) during the course of symptoms.

Well, shit.

Literally.

Further Comment

2006-09-07T22:04:00.000-05:00

Scenes between me and Bri's brother.

(Getting into his off-roadin' car {Dukes of Hazzard style})
Me: How do the seatbelts work?
Bri' Brother: They don't.

(Going 70 mph through the desert in a car with no windshield)
Me: I'm getting sand in my eyes. How do you keep them open?
Bri's Brother: I don't.

(Describing what happens when people at his parties aren't having enough fun)
Bri's Brother: I hit them with poles in the knees.
Me: Oh.
Bri's Brother: Pretty sweet.

Praxis

2006-09-05T14:53:00.000-05:00

While working on the latest Pattan Bros. production last night, one half of that creative duo let me know that their original masterwork, Praxis, is now being served online.

Enjoy.

Matthew 28:6

2006-09-05T14:40:00.000-05:00

He is not here: for he is risen (Matthew 28:6, KJV)

99idoh is back from the dead!

(But just to shill for Matty's new blog about records. Check it out.)

Without Further Comment #2

2006-09-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

Click the above photo to enlarge -- it's worth it, trust me.

(OK....maybe I'll comment on this one later.)

On Topic

2006-08-24T11:07:00.000-05:00

As if on cue, the Onion is already here to mock me for my etymological prowess.

I am always telling my other struggling artist, freelance graphic designer, and independent T-shirt-maker friends that this is the neighborhood to take it to. It's the next big thing. Sure, it's an hour from my day job and right next to a stinky canal and a power station, but that's the whole charm—it keeps the yuppies out.

Onion: Sometimes I Feel Like I'm The Only One Trying To Gentrify This Neighborhood

I made up a new word

2006-08-23T17:25:00.000-05:00

 
white blight |(h)wit blit| noun:
the opposite of white flight.
occurs when honkeys move back from the suburbs and blight previously distinctive urban neighborhoods with comforting chain stores, corporate coffee and bad condo architecture.

Call the OED!

Fair and Balanced

2006-08-22T13:57:00.000-05:00

Someone has decided to make (somewhat snarky) commentary over the infamous Loose Change video I touted earlier. If you love your 9/11 conspiracy theories stomped all over, this is the video for you.

Of course, I love conspiracy theories, so I'm still not allowing myself to be convinced that it was all OBL's plan.

All Things in Moderation

2006-08-21T23:21:00.000-05:00

FYI - Comment moderation now turned off. Sorry for the delay.

Faster than you can say "Clear History"

2006-08-21T11:55:00.000-05:00

This is old news, but a few weeks ago AOL released 2 gigabytes of raw search data from it's users. Basically, this document contains every web search every AOL member made for a period of several months. The "reason" given for releasing this was academic research -- and I have to agree....seeing the search terms of my fellow Americans is very academic:

(crazy search histories from our friends at Something Awful. More here and here.)

In aggregate, this data is downright fascinating (when it's not totally disturbing) Aside from the trainwreck/cringe factor, I could (actually) understand the rationale of releasing it. It's another snapshot of the zietgiest -- and much more personal than (the now bland seeming) Google Zietgiest's revelations that "ricky bobby" is a gaining query. Figuring out what's really on America's mind has been a hobby of socialogists for decades.

The problem is folks have been conditioned to see that little text field and "Search" button as a great anonymizer. And it is -- except that your searches, with a little detective work, can reveal who you are. . In fact, last week the interpid New York Times managed to, using only the searches of one person, figure out who that AOL user was in real life -- a 62 year old grandmother.

(Sidebar: Bri spent a nice a chunk of time yesterday on my computer trying to find the pictures mentioned in this article. Can't wait til Google decides to release my search history.)

What this little incident has taught me, however, is to now be much more worried about the NSA wiretapping boondoggle. Honestly, before, it wasn't particularly worried about it. Yes, Bush broke the law. Yes, creating huge call lists is generally not something I'd like my government to be engaged in. But overall, my feeling against it were more about due process of law being ignored -- not the actual program itself.

See, I actually believed the whole notion of "We're just data mining it! There's soooo many numbers that we're just shuffling them through the computer as fast as we can looking for patterns that suggest terrorism." But that was the same rationale for the AOL search leak -- use it for data mining. Run those 2 gigs to data through a computer and try to decide how to market to people. The problem is not the data mining -- it's the file itself. Because when the file get broken down and you focus on one person (either AOL subscriber or phonejack) whole lives can be sussed out.

And, in a wierd way, I'd expect AOL to do a better job of keeping information safe than the Feds, so I think this bodes poorly for all of us.

78 and Sunny.

2006-08-18T13:49:00.000-05:00

Of course, I totally disagree...but I can appreciate:

via Curbed

Vomit

2006-08-18T12:55:00.000-05:00

I certainly enjoy me a (as Liz famously calls them) "pukey puke" roller coaster every now and then.

Except this....

...I'm positive would actually make me have a "reversal" (to use the proper Coney Island terminology). Perhaps that's why they don't do it anymore.

Welcome to the sidebar

2006-08-18T12:46:00.000-05:00

A nice round of applause for another victim of compulsive-navel-gazing coupled with uncontrolable egomania -- Dianna now has a blog. This children's musical theater songstress is keepin' it real over in Friendsterland by reviewing shows and making me feel lame by buying a house.

Check her out at Snarky, Self Effacing Blog Title.

M.I.A.

2006-08-16T22:23:00.000-05:00

Excuses:

1) Fire Island

2) Getting a movie out for Sundance

3) Weddings (x3)

Status:

1) I'm back, bitches.

Without Further Comment:

2006-07-18T08:28:00.000-05:00

Jews for ~~Jesus~~ Jobs

It's been a long time

2006-07-12T07:47:00.000-05:00

But finally, a director with a clue and without a finger up their ass made a political ad.

I've always been shocked by how bad political tv ads are -- especially on the national level. The people who make them seem to have no art or finesse. What they don't seem to realize is they're selling a product, same as any other ad. And so one would imagine they would try to have a little Escalade / Grey Goose / Macintosh / Calvin Klein type feel, trying to create an emotional response. Instead, most political ads feel like Flowbee / Topsy Tail / Avacor spots -- "This is the product and this is what it does." Candidates are brands and brands that are affective have strong feelings attached to them.

One of the CEOs in the SUV show said, "a brand is a promise." He's right. But the promise needs to be more than "I'll work hard on behalf of all Americans....etc. etc." That really has no meaning.

The clip above is a step in the right direction, but not nearly far enough to be truely effective. It breaks out of the traditional ad mold, is self conscious (and self-depricating) and creates a great brand image for the candidate. But he's still telling you exactly what he does (or, more precisely, doesn't do). A more effective spot would have you feeling something intangible and positive about him. Madison Avenue knows how to make audiences "feel" rather than think when it comes to picking between two nearly identical detergents on the shelf -- I'm surprised this skill hasn't filtered down.

Bonus feature -- My favorite political ad of all time -- Johnson's "Daisy" spot -- leaves a strong friggin' impression: